Know What You Want And Be Intentional

A very important aspect of living a spiritual life is being intentional. Intention requires being awake and knowing  what we need and want in order to be at our best for ourselves and for others.   This is particularly true with the topic of work life balance because this is where, if we don’t get it right, we end up living with regret and guilt.

Integrating  our work with the rest of our lives is particularly challenging which makes it so important that we are clear about what we want and need. Unfortunately  the majority  of organizations have yet to provide the institutional support to make managing the complexities of life easy so most of the time  we have to negotiate this. We  can’t successfully negotiate anything unless we know what we want; and I mean  what we want, not what we think  we can get.

Here are five things that to know that will help you create a life where your time and energy are calibrated correctly with your priorities:

#1: Work Life Balance is A Myth, But Don’ Panic, Keep Reading,  I’ve Got Something Better

According to Webster Dictionary  the verb balance means “to arrange so that one set of elements exactly equals another.”  I think most of us would agree that we all have many different elements in our lives that we are managing. I also believe that when we really look at our lives honestly, there isn’t a single moment or even day in which we would say that all the elements of our lives are equal in importance and therefore need to be in equal balance in terms of our time or mind share.

The word that actually makes sense and is the reality for most of us is integration, which means “to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole.”

#2: You Can’t Integrate The Whole Without Knowing Each Of The Individual Parts

This may sound obvious but I can’t tell you how illuminating it is to actually write down all of the parts of your life that you are managing.  So often we tend to just do what we have to do and we don’t take the time to appreciate ourselves or our accomplishments. Writing this down   gives you the opportunity to see and appreciate the breadth and depth of your life. It might also help you understand why your feel tired sometimes!

#3: Prioritize What Is Important To You And Why

As you look at each component: work,  children, extended family, exercise, spiritual practice, volunteer work, whatever the many parts are,  prioritize their importance based on your life  right now.  I say “right now” because life is dynamic. Things like the ages of your children or  parents, your age and the stage you are in with your career, whether you are partnered or single, the age and health of your partner  etc…impact the importance of things and change over time. Ask yourself, “What is important about this to me right now?” This will help you understand what you want and why you want it. Knowing this will inform your decisions about  where you are willing to make trade-offs and where you are not.

#4: Create Your Pie Of Life

I use this tool consistently myself and  with my clients because it is simple and it works.  Draw a circle, like a pie, and divide the pie into pieces the size of which indicates where you spend your time today.

Now, look at your priority list and see if you are spending time on the things that are most important to you. If you are, congratulations!

If you aren’t, then create your ideal pie based on your priorities. You will quickly see that it is integration you are after, not balance. Each piece of the pie will likely be a different size.  Do a gap analysis looking at what your ideal is and where you are today.

#5: Recognize The Signs Of Misalignment And Fix Them

Our emotions are the best indicator of how our lives are working. If you are feeling out of sorts, chances are your pie isn’t divided up right. Knowing how you want those pieces to look is critical because it is the first place to look when you feel off your game. It will tell you  precisely where you are out of alignment with your priorities.

Some  gaps are fixed quickly  but others are more complicated, particularly if they involve other people.  As you  work toward realignment  set realistic goals, be patient and  stay positively and peacefully focused on your intentions.  There is a practice in the  Hindu, Buddhist and Jainist  traditions  called Ahimsa which is the practice of non violence toward all living things.  If you practice  ahimsa as you make your recalibrations  they will be sustainable and  work positively for you as well as for the others in your life.

Copyright 2014 Sheila Madden, Madden Coaching & Consulting. All Right Reserved.

Sheila Madden is the CEO of Madden Coaching & Consulting where she coaches individuals and organizations to maximize their potential and their happiness.